


Pointless

by Sapph



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Character Death, F/M, Hydra (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-31
Updated: 2014-07-31
Packaged: 2018-02-11 06:27:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2057346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapph/pseuds/Sapph
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He tells Coulson the truth sometime between Skye's death and the rise of Hydra.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pointless

He tells Coulson the truth sometime between Skye's death and the rise of Hydra. It is a pointless confession not uttered in the hope for redemption rather the need to punish himself, to lay bare the mangled core of his being to the scrutiny of functioning hearts.

 

_He is a loyal soldier when Skye bleeds to death, a weapon forged only to be handled and pointed at a target, but he carries her broken body up into the light, his gaze trussed to the smear of blood on her lips, and becomes a monster._

 

There is no life in him as he admits his crimes, only a void that spreads through his veins and occupies the sockets of his eyes. His mind is not an open wound, rather a hardened ridge of scar tissue where all the memories are crusted in regret.

 

_It is as if the world has suddenly shifted, but it hasn't -it merely came into focus. He's aware now of the choices he's made and their consequences. He knows the depth of his sin._

 

He smashes a mirror after Fitz punches him, because his swing is weak, but his knuckles scrape across the steel in his jaw, leaving in its trail lacerations that bleed into the remnants of his soul and clot into despair -he has always been unlucky, but now he knows his existence is a curse.

 

_This is the fate he has wrought, the world he has carried into existence with the sheer force of his will. It is a ruin, one he built with his bare hands, painstakingly slow and meticulous, and he has no one to blame for its outcome but himself._

 

He doesn't remember pulling the trigger, but Garrett's skull explodes as the bullet passes through. It should offer him some sort of resolution, some sense of retribution, but the emptiness never goes, it only expands with every breath.

 

_Just another bullet. Just another victim._

 

He wants to weep over his mentor's body, but there are no tears left.

 

He is all alone.

 

His lips meet new companions as he offer his body to greedy hands and slick, roaming eyes; with every touch his guilt dulls to numbing despair and with every pulse he dies a little more.

 

_He should have cupped his hands around the candle flame, protected it from outside forces, instead he is left with a smoking wick and an ever-present darkness that taunts him with the absence of her light._

 

He hunts Hydra like a bloodhound. Garrett taught him to be loyal and ruthless, but it is Coulson who attempts to point him in the right direction. If he is honest with himself, he knows he was always more of a fox, sleek and scrappy, with a constant hunger in his chest and demons nipping at his tail.

 

_Her blood stains his aimless hands, and no water washes the stench of death off his skin -he feels like carrion now._

 

Jemma stares at his wounds with morbid fascination and tells him to come back when he deserves to be treated. He smiles at her, a sickening stretch of lips that makes the muscles of his face burn with exertion. Coulson glances at him with his trademark frown of disappointment and Simmons looks taken aback as if she had expected him to beg; but bleeding to death in front of them would be more than he deserves, for Skye never even got that privilege -her life ended on the grimy floor of a basement, frightened and alone.

 

_He never imagined it would hurt like this. For the first time since Garrett gave him a purpose, he feels lost._

 

Sometimes he dreams of her as a figure in the distance, too far away for his screams to reach. He wants to run towards her, but the blood trail she left in her wake tells him she is long dead -every step forwards is futile, it almost feels as if he's moving backwards.

 

_And he misses her._

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I would just like to point out that the word count was not done on purpose, however fitting it may be. Ugh, I don't know why I do this to myself.


End file.
